Episode 4.8
originally broadcast November 3, 1973
Written by Ed. Weinberger and Stan Daniels
Directed by Jay Sandrich
Storyline: It's time for the Broadcasters Man of the Year Dinner, and recently-separated Lou doesn't have a date. He asks Mary to get him one. She can't find anybody for him and farms out the task to Rhoda. Rhoda gives Mary the phone number of a Mrs. Dudley, recently-widowed. Mary phones and Mrs. Dudley almost instantly agrees to go on the date. Come Saturday night, an old lady shows up at Mary's doorstep...it's Mrs. Martha Dudley, the mother-in-law of the woman Rhoda had intended for Lou. Lou is horrified when he finds out he has to go to the dinner with her and face soon-to-be-ex wife Edie. All works out fine in the end.
Memorable Quotations/Exchanges:
MARY: Ted, here are your tickets to the Broadcasters Man of the Year dinner.
TED: Who stole the award from me this year?
MARY: Lucille Harris.
TED: Lucille Harris, man of the year?
MARY: That's right Ted.
TED: That sounds strange.
MURRAY: Yes, it does.
TED: Wonder why his mother called him Lucille? You don't think he's a little...
MARY: Ted, Lucille Harris is a woman.
TED: Oh, good! I'd much rather have a woman be Man of the Year than some guy named Lucille.
RHODA: I got somebody for you. She's from my modern dance class...she's a warm, good person and very attractive. She and Lou would really like each other. Her husband died about a year ago, but she's wonderful. Really. Here's her number, give her a call.
MARY: Well, Rhoda, don't you think you should call her? I mean...
RHODA: (very seriously) No, she doesn't like me.
MARY: Rhoda, if she doesn't like you, how can I possibly call her?
RHODA: Mary, Mary. I was just kidding then. Of course she likes me. I mean, a person has to like me if I like them, right? I'm a likeable person. You like me, I like you. Call her, she'll like you.
MARY: (to phone) Hello, is Mrs. Dudley there? How do you do Mrs. Dudley? My name is Mary Richards and I'm a friend of Rhoda Morgenstern's. You know those horrible phone calls you get when someone you hardly know calls you up and asks you to go out with somebody you don't even know at all? Well, this is one of those phone calls! Listen, let me tell you about him because he's really....seven thirty, and it's the same address as Rhoda's. See you then, bye! (with a 'what the hell?' look)
LOU: I'm sorry, Mary. I've been thinkin' about it, and I just can't go through with it.
Call Mrs. Dudley back and cancel it.
MARY: No, I won't!
LOU: I don't wanna discuss it Mary, please??
TED: Let me handle this, Mary. Lou, let's talk man to man.
MURRAY: I think they're one short.
TED: (puts hand on Lou's shoulder) Lou, there are two kinds of people in this world. There are men and there are women. You with me so far, big fella?
LOU: I'm with ya.
TED: Now, men have certain needs. Basic, animal needs! Ugly needs! That can only be satisfied by...
LOU: (shot in the dark) Women?
TED: Exactly. These needs are nothing to be ashamed of, Lou. All men have these needs. You have them, I have them...even President Nixon has them. He does! He really does, Lou! Now it isn't natural for these needs to go unsatisfied. (more sotto) It isn't normal! It isn't healthy! So, whaddya say, Lou?
LOU: I say that Nixon should take Mrs. Dudley to that dinner!
TED: I don't think I got through to him, guys.
MARY: Mr. Grant, are you sure you won't change your mind?
LOU: I'm sorry, Mary, I just can't do it. I can't explain it.
TED: I know why. Because you think this woman will think you're not an attractive man, right Lou? You think she'll think you're a short, balding, overweight middle-aged man. (Lou spins around in anger) A lot of women like that!
MARY: (enters from bathroom dressed up) Well Rhoda, whaddya think?
RHODA: Mary, what are you doing? It's late! Get dressed!
MARY: What?!
RHODA: No, it's fine, really.
MARY: Thank you. Will you put out the raw vegetables and the dip out? (doorbell rings)
RHODA: Sure.
MARY: (answering door) Hello?
MRS. DUDLEY: (a small woman, age 75 or so) Mary Richards?
MARY: Yes?
MRS. DUDLEY: I'm Martha Dudley.
MARY: You're.....Mrs. Dudley?
RHODA: Hi, Mrs. Dudley!
MRS. DUDLEY: Oh, hello Rhoda dear!
MARY: Uh....go ahead, come in please! Rhoda? Could I.....speak to you in the kitchen for just one moment? (angry) That's Mrs. Dudley from your dance class?!
RHODA: Of course not. That's her late husband's mother. She and Ellen share an apartment. What's she doing here, anyway?
MARY: You gave me a phone number, Rhoda! You told me to call Mrs. Dudley.
RHODA: Yeah, Mrs. Ellen Dudley. Not Mrs. Martha Dudley. She's gotta be eighty years old!
MARY: I know that, Rhoda! But you told me to call Mrs. Dudley!
RHODA: (stifilng laughter) Wait, wait. Wait a minute. You mean...she? And Lou?!!
MARY: She!! and Lou!!
RHODA: Oh boy!
MARY: You think that's funny?!
RHODA: No! No! (laughter)
MARY: (doorbell rings) Miiiiiiiister Grant.
LOU: (jolly) Hi, Mary! Ready for the big evening?!
MARY: Mister Grant, I'd like you to meet your date! (Lou stares at the old woman in disbelief)
MARY: Well, why don't you two sit down and I'll fix us a drink. Martha, can I get you a drink?
MRS. DUDLEY: Glass of sherry, please.
MARY: Mr. Grant, can I get you a drink?
LOU: Ohhhhhh yes.
MARY: Well why don't you two just....and I'll....
MRS. DUDLEY: That's a lovely corsage.
LOU: I bought it for my.....you.
MRS. DUDLEY: How lovely. Thank you! Would you pin 'em on for me? These old fingers don't always do what I tell 'em to!
LOU: Excuse me, I'm gonna go talk to Mary for a second.
MRS. DUDLEY: You're excused, Lou. (he heads for the kitchen)
MARY: Your drink, Mr. Grant?
LOU: Thank you, Mary. To a long life, Mary.
MARY: Mr. Grant, I am just...so sorry.
LOU: Oh, you have no need to apologize to me, Mary. I mean, all I told you was 'get me a date'. How were you to know that I wanted somebody under ninety?
MARY: Mr. Grant, won't you let me explain? You see, there are two Mrs. Dudleys.
LOU: There are THOUSANDS of Mrs. Dudleys! Why THIS Mrs. Dudley?! I can't take that little old lady to the dinner!
LOU: This evening is very important to me. You see, this will be the first time I've gone out since my wife and I separated.
MRS. DUDLEY: Oh, Lou. I know just how you feel. You know, it was two years after my husband died before I started dating again. But believe me, tonight is going to do you a world of good.
LOU: Uh...excuse me.
MRS. DUDLEY: You're excused, Lou.
LOU: Thanks.
(Ted and Georgette enter the apartment)
TED: Hey, Lou! Who's the old lady?
MARY: Martha Dudley, I'd like you to meet Georgette Franklin and Ted Baxter. She's Lou's date for the evening.
GEORGETTE: Nice to meet you, too!
MRS. DUDLEY: Thank you!
TED: C'mon Lou, who is she, really?
LOU: (sotto) That's who I'm taking to the dinner!
TED: Ohhh. So nice to meet you.
GEORGETTE: Have you and Mr. Grant been going together long?
MRS. DUDLEY: No, this is our first date. We met through Mary. You know, Mr. Baxter, you look very familiar to me!
TED: You've probably seen me on television.
MRS. DUDLEY: No, I don't watch television. I have a fireplace!
TED: (crestfallen) Excuse me.
MRS. DUDLEY: You're excused.
MARY: Georgette, is that a new dress?
GEORGETTE: Pretty new, I bought it this afternoon.
TED: That's quite a date ya got there, Lou! Ya wanna see if she's got a granddaughter for me? Well, at least no one can accuse you of robbin' the old cradle! (Lou spins around in anger) On the other hand, she's not bad. In fact, she's kinda cute! She kinda grows on you. She's got nice legs!
GEORGETTE: Mr. Grant, Martha has had such an interesting life. Did you know she was the flower girl at Thomas Alva Edison's wedding?
MURRAY: Hi, Mare. Marie got the flu.
RHODA: Hey, Mary will get you a date!
ANDY: I think I'll go down to the lobby and get some cigars.
TED: I'll go with ya, Andy. I always like to take a good walk after dinner.
MURRAY: Until he's sure the check's paid. Hey Lou, there's Edie.
LOU: Where?!
MURRAY: She and her date are getting up.
LOU: Are they coming this way?
MURRAY: No, they're leaving.
TED: (offstage) Edie!!! How nice to see you! Hey Lou, look who I found?
EDIE: Hi Lou. Hi Murray.
LOU: Nice seein' ya, Edie.
EDIE: Lou Grant, this is Mike Montgomery.
TED: He's a big one, isn't he, Lou?! How tall would you say you are, Mike?
MURRAY: Ted, why don't you and I go stretch our legs.
TED: Okay, but we still won't be as tall as Mike. Boy, that Edie's doin' alright for herself isn't she?
LOU: What did I just do?
MARY: It was a tough spot.
LOU: Not that tough...
MARY: Well, maybe not.
LOU: Martha, could you come with me for a minute?
MRS. DUDLEY: Sure, I'd be glad to, Lou.
LOU: Uh, Edie...there's something I didn't make clear before. Mrs. Dudley isn't just Mary's friend...she's my date!
EDIE: (extending hand) So nice to meet you, Mrs. Dudley.
LOU: Did you know, Edie, that Martha...was the flower girl at Thomas Alva Edison's wedding?! You wanna dance?
MRS. DUDLEY: Sure! (music plays...camera focus on a beaming Mary sitting at table)
TED: C'mon, Georgette!
GEORGETTE: No, Ted! I don't want to! He wants to dip.
TED: Ya wanna change partners?
LOU: Okay. (Ted takes Lou's arm to dance; Lou repels)
GEORGETTE: He's a little silly tonight!!
Credits:
Associate Producer/Production Manager: Lionel A. Ephraim
Music composed and conducted by Pat Williams
Theme music "Love is All Around" written and sung by Sonny Curtis
Director of Photography: Paul Uhl
Assistant Producer: Michael Zinberg
Executive Story Consultant: Treva Silverman
Art Director: Lewis Hurst, Jr.
Film Editor: Douglas Hines
Assistant Director: John C. Chulay
Script Supervisor: Marjorie Mullen
Set Decorator: James Hassinger
Main Title: David Davis
Camera Coordinator: Don Bustany
Gaffer: Sam Ozment
Key Grip: Roy Kight
Property Master: Gene Cox
Makeup: Ben Nye, II
Hairstylist: Donna Cox
Sound Mixer: Cameron McCullough
Music Editor: Ed Norton Music Editing, Inc.
Production Assistant: Cheryl Blythe
Men's Costumes: Don McDonald
Women's Costumes: Leslie Hall
Wardrobe for Mary Tyler Moore furnished by Norman Todd
Trivia: This well-known episode offers the line from Mrs. Dudley, "I don't watch television, I have a fireplace" and one of several Ted Baxter mini-orations about carnal knowledge. Ted: "Lou, let's talk man to man." Murray: "I think they're one short."
Rating: 94
Humor: 24
Writing: 25
Acting: 20
Story Concept: 25
Category: Top 10%
Comment: A super-classic in every regard, the laugh quotient in "Lou's First Date" is very high.
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