"Mary and Rhoda"
Memorable Quotations/Exchanges
RHODA: (to cab driver) Look at this! I've got two words for you: shock absorbance. And in case you find the two fillings that bounced outa my head, send one back to me and melt the other one down for your tip!
MARY: We painted this room Hot Bubble Gum Baby Girl Pink. Remember that?
ROSE: That was my lipgloss phase...sorry about that.
MARY: (on the phone with people in France, trying to track down Rhoda) I'm sorry I don't understand what that means...oh, that I do understand. And believe me, sir, if I could, I would do that. Thanks for the suggestion.
MARY: What did you do in Paris?
RHODA: Well, I went back to my first love. Of course, you can only eat for so long.
RHODA: I found my place, finally...right in between Jewish and Shaker. So, now I can make my own furniture and sell it retail!
MARY: (to Rose) A lawyer's office is hardly a hotbed of emotion.
MARY: (cringing) Your dad used to love to find coins under the cushions...it never occurred to me that he actually needed them.
MARY: I'm going to get a job.
ROSE: Doing what?
MARY: Thanks for your vote of confidence, Rose.
ROSE: I'm sorry. You've been out of the news business for a really long time and...just between you and me, you're not getting any younger.
MARY: Yes, I think one or two people are aware of that, also.
MARY: I'm sixty.
JONAH: And I'm thirty-three. Now that we've gotten that out of the way...
MARY: Well, that's usually the first question people ask me after I'm told that I've got an impressive resume.
JONAH: You know, Mary, I founded this station because I didn't think people were seeing themselves reflected on TV, so I started reality programming. "Final Regrets"...have you seen that?
MARY: Which one is that?
JONAH:That's the one where we have people who are about to die tell what they didn't do, or fight with family members...you seen it?
MARY: No...I don't watch enough TV.
JONAH: Ah...so, tell me about you.
MARY: Well, first I moved to New York and got my Master's in journalism.
JONAH: (interrupting) (to phone) Call Barbara, have her pick up Porsche. Call John, move lunch to Wednesday. (to Mary) Skip to the middle. (walks over to cappucino machine) (shouting) Mike? I pressed "Cappucino" and it didn't light up.
(snip)
JONAH: You know, if you work here, you're going to have to be a fierce competitor. You're gonna have to fight tooth and nail. You think you can do that?
MARY: Well, definitely tooth, and I think I can manage the occasional nail. When I played field hockey in school, I had quite a reputation. 'High-sticking Mary', they used to call me.
JONAH: What did they really call you?
MARY: Mary.
RHODA: (she and Mary are leaving art gallery after confrontation with rude receptionist) I know, Mare. We're all God's creatures. But that one?
JONAH: No nice, no boring, no thinking. Anything else, great.
RHODA: Our daughters, Mare.
MARY: I know, I know!
RHODA: What are they going to do next?
MARY: I don't know.
ROSE: I feel like I'm on the Discovery Channel.
MEREDITH: Were they always like this?
RHODA: She used to perform operations on her dolls. She gave barbie an appendectomy. G.I. Joe had a hernia...you know, he did all that heavy lifting.
MARY: You know, Rose used to teach a class at home...to her little friends. And you know how all kids have their favorite movie? Usually "Mary Poppins"? This one's favorite movie was "The Paper Chase"!
MARY: Sweetheart, would you help me in the kitchen with dessert?
ROSE: Sure, Mom! That's WASP for "We're going to have a fight".
MARY: No it isn't, and no we're not!
RHODA: Oh, you smoke now?
MEREDITH: Only when I drink.
RHODA: Even better.
RHODA: Well, Mare, your parties haven't lost their magic!
CECILE: I'll take you around to meet everyone after lunch. I don't know what half of their names are, but you can't go wrong with "Mike" or "Jennifer".
MARY: I was thinking that if we focus on what led the boys to do this to each other....
CECILE: (not joking) Oh, come on. It's cool to be cruel.
MARY: (barely makes it in the sliding office door as it nearly closes on her arm) Why did you hire me?!!
JONAH: (munching an apple, unfazed) What?
MARY: Cecile said that you hired me because of my age, so that she couldn't sue you for ageism. Is that true?
JONAH: Yes. (picks up a Q-Ball)
MARY: No toys, please! So I'm the token golden oldie, is that it?
JONAH: Well, you've also got ideas, and I like that. I probably won't like the ideas, but I like the fact that you have them. And if you're not happy here, you can leave here at any point. (Mary tries to get out of the office, but needs Jonah to remote-control the door open) You're a fighter, that's good. You're gonna need it. (she leaves) Q-Ball says: "What a jerk!"
EXECUTIVE: These are our production offices. This is Mary Richards, she's sixty.
CAMERAMAN: For the record, Jonah's an ass. I know was hired as a token. You think I don't feel uncomfortable being the only Canadian in there?
MARY: Cecile, you're an hour late! I went ahead and started the interview with the parents.
CECILE: Well, why don't you just do the whole thing and then nominate yourself for an Emmy!
CECILE: Hi, I'm Cecile Andrews.
MARJORIE: Oh, we've seen you on the News!
CECILE: Oh, how sweet. Shall we? Listen, I know this is tough, but let's give it a shot. How does it feel to know that your son is a murderer?
CECILE: That was intense.
MARY: I'll say.
CECILE: That woman just wouldn't stop crying...that oughtta give us some good numbers!
CECILE: (to the convicted kid) You seem angry.
KID: Like you're not? I'm just the guy who shot someone.
CECILE: Have you ever killed anyone before?
KID: (with remorse) No.
CECILE: What was it like? Was it a thrill? Did it feel powerful? Is that what it was?
KID: No.
CECILE: Then what was it like?
KID: (sarcastic) A nightmare. God, you're really stupid, you know that?
CECILE: Can you believe the garbage I have to put up with? Those kids, they never learn. Another little shooting, another little war! You think my hair looked better when it was longer?
MARY: Listen, I'm going to cut this in the morning, and it will be ready at noon, if you want to see it.
CECILE: (walks off) I don't care.
MARY: Oh, Rhoda, are we really in our twilight years?
RHODA: I think we're pre-twilight, Mare.
MARY: More like late afternooon.
RHODA: Nap time, recess.
ROSE: Yes, I am a student, as Bill mentioned. I am a poor student, aren't we all? And as a poor student, I have a question. They can put a man on the moon, why can't they put a handle on a futon? (Mary laughs)
RHODA: (to her boss) I am a photographuh, not a gofuh (gopher)! That said, I will be at the drycleaners if you need me.
RHODA: Who do I think I am, coming to New York trying to be this great artist?
MARY: And what is wrong with that?
RHODA: What's wrong with it is that I'm not! Mary, I am a fifty-something, bagel toastuh, snack makuh, drycleaner pickuh-uppuh! Which is fine...it's fine. I'm going away.
MARY: Where?
RHODA: I was thinking The Poconos.
MARY: Well, this stinks.
RHODA: Mary, you don't have to use profanity.
MARY: (after having just rescued a puppy from the street) Rhoda, you are that dog.
RHODA: Oh, thanks, I feel like I'm in high school again.
MARY: I couldn't bear to watch it run down the street, knowing that it could be hurt. It would be so much better if it stayed with me, did its art, and worked things out with its daughter.
RHODA: We're not still talking about the dog, are we, Mare?
JONAH: Mary, in my house, I have an art collection. Some pieces I buy because they move me. And others I buy just so they can go with the couch. Do me a favor, huh? Just let this one go with the couch.
BARTENDER: (weeping at Mary's news segment) Oh, it's these damn cocktail onions!
JONAH: Even if you were the man, you wouldn't be the man, you'd be the WOman, that's a whole other resentment. That's mommy resentment. That could be a show.
MARY: I was taught that the news is about something.
JONAH: Oh yeah, back in 1882. News flash. Cotton gin tips over, killing man. Pencil sketch at eleven. Times have changed! The news is different, Mary!
MARY: No it isn't, just the way we tell it is different.
JONAH: Why am I talking about this? I fired you. It's obvious that you just don't belong here.
MARY: No, I don't. I don't belong in a place where you sensationalize the news, you play with toys, you use clickers to open and close the doors! No, I don't belong here. You don't even have a door I can slam! (doubling back) Yes, I do belong here!
RHODA'S BOSS: You stormed outa here saying, "I'm not gonna take your crap!"
RHODA: No, I said, "I'm not gonna take your crepe"...it's an expression we use in France, that means more crepe for the other person. Alright, okay, here's the deal. I make a mean bagel, and no one does foam on a cappucino like me. But I can do more.
ROSE: (doing her stand-up routine) Yeah, we got a nice little crowd tonight...a nice mix. These two look like they're from the country...with the little pigtails, that's cute. Anyone born and raised in New York City? This chick looks like she was...she's got the whole afro thing going on! I'm from New York, I was born and raised here. A lot of people tell me that you grow up too fast in New York, you know? I don't think so...my granddaughter does! So, what I really wanna talk about is fear. It's the thing that drives most of us to do what we do in the first place, so what do you think most people are afraid of?
AUDIENCE IDIOT: Bombing on stage?
ROSE: Hey, Fonzie! When your IQ hits sixty, sell. What most people are afraid of is difference. Difference! Everybody just stays in their own, safe little world. They work together all day long in a building, and then they go home and spend all night meeting new friends on the world wide web. C'mon!
RHODA: (she and Meredith are throwing surprise party for Mary) I'm hosting it, Mare, so it won't end in tears.
ALL: To new beginnings!
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